Dimension Jump X

Saturday Night

Let the games begin! Oh yes, the competitions aren't over yet. While the guests signed autographs, fans were encouraged to compete in the Red Dwarf Olympics, four games of skill, luck and drunken rambling. Cat Golf featured once again, alongside Gunmen of the Apocalypse and Space Shooter games. But it was Red Dwarf Outburst that separated the fans from the friends who were dragged along, with contestants trying to name as many significant aspects of an episode as possible against the clock.

The Costume Competition was hosted by Lee Cornes in the one spare costume in the building - a Betty Rubble dress. Worryingly, it seemed surprisingly well-suited to his petite frame. Judging this year were effects-meister Mike Tucker, Chloë Annett, GNP General Manager Helen Norman and, oh yes, me and Mr Flibble.

Sure, it may sound like a good gig to you. But we had to see 'Potato Virus (i.e. naked) Rimmer' from the back. And the fact that he was wearing his girlfriend's pink thong didn't make it any better, let me tell you.

Those laughs aside, live comedy was still very much the order of the night. John Lenahan was back with his remarkable mixture of comedy, magic and heckler gags - such as the hitting of one fan with, "This guy still doesn't know he didn't win the costume competition." Though it was tougher with toddler Morgan's yelling. "What's the heckle comeback for a two year old? 'Blaughaghaghagh!'" But she continued to squeal regardless, leaving John reminiscent. "I remember my first beer, too."

The magic was typically impressive, though the mind reading act hit a glitch half-way through when he had trouble with his volunteer's name. "Dave...Malcolm, sorry. Some mind reader, I can't remember his name. Is there a Dave in here thinking too loud?"

Dave's noisy brain was not the only problem, either. One laconic fan was too laid back for words. "Paul's the kinda guy that if he saw the parting of the red seas, he'd just go, 'Hey, that's cool...'" Asking for an item from the audience, the first thing to land on stage was a shoe. A camera followed, with an instruction that it only had one picture left in it. "I'll give you something to remember me by," John decided, pointing the lens down his trousers.

There was only one act that could follow all this - the name was Lovett, Kitty Lovett. For the record, Kitty dances better than anyone ever in the history of Dimension Jump. She's also a brilliantly funny act - coming out with things you simply can't believe she's saying. The only disappointment was that her father arrived just in time to prevent a stage dive.

Norman Lovett, of course, is one of the stand-up greats. It speaks volumes that when he's talking to the crowd, they go so quiet that you can hear the air conditioning whirring. Norman's magnetism is the stuff of legend, of course, as two passing girls heard. "Women are usually attracted to me like...well, they're not, let's face it."

In an act that covered the 'cash point dance', Norman's personal train-clearing device and what would happen if referees had kazoos rather than whistles, my highlight was when Norman produced a white plastic bag and tossed it up so it floated down, half-inflated, on the air. Unimpressive? Maybe, but "can you picture how impressive that would be when it's hit by coloured lights...?"

So on to the disco, and I'd like to thank everyone who cleared me enough room to dance, and apologise to anyone whose toes I injured. How daft was it, after dancing till the early hours, to stay up all night talking? Answer: just daft enough. This is Dimension Jump, and there was still plenty scheduled for Sunday.