Dimension Jump XII

Sunday

Back up the front after a night's rest, Norman Lovett was blinded by photographers. (Their flashes, I mean; a journalist didn't come along and stab him in both eyes or anything.) Maybe he should wear sunglasses? "That's a good idea ? I'll go and get them!"

After some initial confusion ? "Question from the lady over there. Oh, it's a man. It's a lady. It's a man. What are you?" ? came... well, further confusion. "Which episode did I enjoy most? I can't remember any of it!" Eventually he settled on Queeg, with a slight summing up: "Getting my way, fighting to be seen ? that's the best bit."

Norman did at least finally get to meet his nemesis, the fan who started the rumour that he would be playing Davros in Dr Who. "Who is Davros anyway?" He's philosophical, though, about any legacy he may have. "I'm just a bloke who played a head in a science fiction show."

Discussing his career, things went a little off the rails. "I was a salesman three years ago, then I was a child molestor." Thankfully he's discussing his various appearances on The Bill. (A discussion which also included a drunk woman accosting him on location in the make-up truck.) And which comedians does he like? "I'm into Larry David at the moment. He's only a year younger than me ? I like that."

So, does he take part in any extreme sports? "You're only asking that because you know I don't." Although it does turn out that Norman was quite the footballer in his day. Unfortunately, during a discussion about his act, Norman claimed never to swear. And this time it was Chloë Annett's turn to heckle. "You do swear, Norman, I've heard you." "I don't, I don't! But you should hear my daughters..."

Chloë joined Norman on stage and began by auctioning off the potato print she'd done for Comic Relief ? donated by Club chairman James, who originally bought the item. "I'll throw in a date with Norman," Chloë offered, until realising, "Oh, no, that'll knock down the price." "That was easy," Norman retorted. "Wait until you get to my age. If you get to my age." Chloë got the measure of the thing immediately. "Oh, you're going to be insufferable..."

And so it went on. Chloë: "I get letters from people in prison in Russia. Do you get that?" Norman: "No." Chloë: "Just me then." Or how about Norman's "Don't call me a miserable bastard. If you're going to do that, do it off-mic."

Crime Traveller came up ? as it so often does, being the 'other' Annett SF series. Norman: "You didn't like that bloke who was in it with you." He means Michael French. Chloë: "The Radio Times said I was having an affair with him! I read that and I was, like, what?!" Norman: "Were you having an affair with him?"

Bouncing off Norman's discussion of his role as a driving examiner in indie flick Feedback, Chloë shared some details ? and the name, which we can't possibly print ? of her own lecherous driving tutor. Scary stuff, especially when he puts a hand on your knee and says 'I like a smooth ride'!

Chloë got an early acting job in Byker Grove, directed by her father. "Handy, handy..." muttered Norman. But actually, Chloë was upset at the disappointing lack of nepotism in her career thus far. And what did she do for her Red Dwarf audition? "I slept with Ed." "Ruby Wax's husband," Norman responded. "Poor bloke." Norman's own audition was as Rimmer, opposite Peter-Hugo Daly as Lister. Which would have made for a very different show.

Do either of them have any career regrets? Norman does, being quite as lazy and as stubborn as he has been. Chloë: "I wish I'd worked harder at school." Norman: "I wish I'd gone." At which point Chloë's mobile rang. Norman didn't miss a beat: "I turned mine off, Chloë. Cos I'm a pro."

Norman eventually found himself on a peculiar side-road, reversing the sexuality of a great many straight men... including most of the Red Dwarf cast. "I wish they'd just come out of the cupboard," he said, to much derisive laughter. "It was a cupboard in my day.... 'Come down off the mantelpiece.'"

After breaking for lunch and more wrist-straining autographs, we moved on to another Auction. Alongside giving out various raffle and competition prizes, there were some surprises in store. The FX lads returned to sell off something special. "It's twelve inches long, it's battery-powered and it was used by Chloë Annett on-screen." It was, of course, the laser bone-saw from Epideme.

Between this and a bag full of scripts there were other items large and small. Some guy called Norman ? no, not that one ? seemed determined to pick up every T-shirt going. It's an expensive way to re-stock your wardrobe, but what the hell. And Kochanski's basketball costume gained extra worth when Caz started doing lunges in it.

And, with James resigned to bidding against his own son, and me out of pocket on an original Marooned script, things finally wound down ? except to show another extract from the Series VII documentary you'll all be able to own on November 7th.

Hell, even the Kryten-head tissue dispenser from Japan was bought. But Jenny's advice is probably pretty sound: "You can put baby wet-wipes in it ? but don't put them down the toilet!"

So I think we've all learned something this weekend...