Dimension Jump XII
Saturday
Well yes, let's ignore the anagrams being created from the Dimension Jump XII logo and press straight on to the arrival ? almost on time ? of Mr Danny John-Jules.
Mindful of an incident last year where Danny's vehicle was seen knocking over a small brick wall, one tactful fan asked, "How's your car?" The response was... unexpected. "I got done for speeding last night. I won't tell you how fast we were going, but I think we changed galaxies about three times... So if you see me on a BMX next year, you'll know why."
"Is Series IX filming right now?" one optimist piped up. "I didn't know there was a Series IX!" Danny yelped, his thoughts no doubt on calling his agent. Speaking of his career, though, does he plan to follow Craig into soaps? "What does he do in Coronation Street?" He asked. The answer came back that he drives a cab. "He hasn't got a licence!" Danny scoffed. "He's gonna be the new Mike Reid!"
Then came the stories of heady nights in Manchester as a young and energetic cast hit the clubs during Dwarf's early days ? even the apparently mellow Chris Barrie was up for it. "He's not the man you think he is," Danny assured us. "In fact, he's not the man he thinks he is." And there's nothing funnier than Danny describing Chris and Norman Lovett visiting a club filled with black faces.
Still, despite differing personalities, the cast do generally get on ? something Danny puts down to the extra time they had to bond on Series I when an electricians' strike put the already-rehearsed series on hold before being completely remounted. Oh, plus: "Everyone was allowed one tantrum per series...Everyone has their black days. Paul Jackson's famous for them!"
The popularity of the Cat came up, too, and it seems everyone knows someone like the character. "A Hell's Angel told me once that he was like the Cat. He was six foot four and dressed in leathers."
Currently Danny is playing a fight fixer in a new British indie movie ? not that he's any stranger to physical danger. For example, the subject of BBC1's sitcom The Crouches came up: "I broke my arm two days before filming, so I had to film the entire series in a cast. They had to do rewrites..."
Did he ever fancy writing for Dwarf? "Not after Robert's experiences..." What about on The Crouches? "Yeah, they needed some help."
Reminiscing about his time filming Blade 2, Danny takes the credit for suggesting Luke Goss's fighting style in that movie ? more street fighter, less martial arts. "He does not have the physique to do kung fu. Maybe Morris dancing..."
From the origins of his career ? "It was always going to be something physical. I might have been a sportsman of some sort" ? to his own ambitions ? interestingly to play the lead in an Alexandre Dumas swashbuckling drama ? Danny talked through it all. "I haven't done a musical in five and a half years. I wouldn't mind doing one again. Hey ? Dumas: The Musical!"
Next on stage was the well-dressed form of Chris Barrie ? who, rather bizarrely, kicked-off by running down his top five mineral waters. Things swiftly moved on, though, to the first question ? what are the three things he regrets?
"Nothing like starting off on a positive note!" Chris commented. "Getting rid of my Jaguar Mk II" would be pretty high on the list. He's not keen on the Audi he bought, apparently, as it made him look like he was driving a cab. Also on the list were not being in the whole of Series VII, and switching away from an agent ten years ago. (Though he was quick to point out that several changes have happened since then and his current agent is utterly lovely.)
What was it like working with Angelina Jolie with tight shorts on? "I didn't have tights shorts on," Chris corrected. "You didn't get on her wrong side." He also admitted to a little jealousy regarding Ms Jolie's power on-set ? if only the Dwarf cast could get away with being so demanding!
His favourite Massive Engines instalment was a hard one to choose, but generally came down to the big planes. (Sample dialogue: "Six jet engines! Friends of the Earth would not be pleased!")
Perhaps inevitably Chris also had to respond on the subject of that kiss with Craig Charles ? but he found he was tying himself and tighter and tighter knots with each elaboration. "You've got to get the tongues in..."
But if that question was predictable, the next certainly was not ? if only by virtue of being slightly nonsensical, to whit: "How did you become a hologram?" Chris, to his credit, did his best. "Well, I was cast as Rimmer, that's how..." Attempting a breakdown of hologram science, the poor man had to give up eventually. "...if that makes sense. If it doesn't, there are 200 people here you can ask."
Discussion on what's recently been added to the mythical Barrie garage drew a slight surprise ? Chris is whittling down his collection. "I'm just trying to cut down, really." Only Chris could make multiple car ownership sound like a bad habit akin to smoking. (Though he did acquire a BSA B31 motorbike recently, and still holds out hope for a Blower Bentley.)
Does Chris have any advice for those looking to go into comedy? 'Know your limits' seems to be the key. "I was a clown when I was a kid, taking my clothes off and running away. When you do it when you're 45 ? not so funny."
This, inevitably, led to one scream of 'get your kit off', with the desperate fan pointing out "I'm single!" Thus came the cry from the back of the room: "I'm not surprised!" Chris warmed to this immediately. "There you go ? you wanted to learn about comedy. We've got the funniest hecklers in the land right here."
Then Danny's Top Topic returned ? just how much of a raver was Chris in the days of Manchester filming and the Hacienda club? "I only went there once or twice. I was quite pissed when I got there ? I was incapable of walking, let alone dancing! I just remember Norman going 'What am I doing here?'!" (That's Norman Lovett, the man who "when he was a foetus looked 50.") "Tony Hawks would play the piano like Les Dawson... We'd come in at 6am, when it was light, and we were due in the studio in three hours."
In fact one memorable trip saw the guys having to hitch a ride back into town in a Transit van. Chris remembers the dialogue going along the lines of: "Craig saying 'Nice Transit lads. Where did you nick this?' And Norman going, 'Nice loading bay...'"
So who's the richest cast member? "Danny." Probably a mistake, that answer, as Mr J-J was primed at the side of the room to heckle: "I haven't got a cess pit, though! When I called you, you were cleaning it! I haven't got one!" "Lucky you!" Chris retorted, and he may have had a point ? as we were subsequently regaled with stories of ancient baby wipes, jet washers and blocked pipes. All doled out right before lunch. Yummy.
Truthfully, though: "Even the Red Dwarf cast have got past the stage now of meeting in a pub and saying, 'Right, who's the richest?'!"
Finally, Poor Mr B was once again shouted at until he agreed to perform the Rimmer Munchkin Song. With words hastily ? and sometimes inaccurately ("You got some of the words wrong, see me afterwards") ? scribbled on the back of an envelope, Chris returned after lunch for a solo performance, having been tutored by Danny. He promised a fuller rendition next year. But then, he always does...
And so we come to the four FX Men of the Apocalypse ? Mike Tucker, Alan Brannan, Nick Kool and Peter Tyler. All Red Dwarf model men since the days when effects were scratched onto slate. Or thereabouts.
The showreel Mike presented left one thing in no doubt whatsoever ? we know exactly what the boys have been up to post-Dwarf. "We've been blowing things up, mostly." (The music accompanying the reel, by the way, was actually from the soundtrack to Blade II!)
The boys were, in fact, on a bit of a downer, with the end of the BBC Vis-FX department due any day... but this was tempered more than a little by the launch of their new freelance company. Completing work on the new Dr Who Christmas special as part of the BBC, the new company will launch into brand new projects... erm, like the impending series two of Dr Who.
And then came the stories ? choking while making alien tree hearts beat (don't ask), accidentally cutting Blue Midget in half, burning the backside off a Predator, setting fire to Pete Tyler's hair; it's all in a days work.
Of the four, only Alan Brannan worked on the final series of Red Dwarf. He was also responsible for the build of the remastered Red Dwarf ship. (Key instructions included a sleeker look, an industrial feel to the details, "and red ? that was quite important.") But he will forever regret the day they rendered some test stills of the ship in CGI. Did it do them out of a gig?
The evolution of the designs ? shown as part of a slideshow ? were fascinating. "You end up rationalising what you're doing," Alan explained ? making 'sense' of details all over the vessel. "Arc jets, hydroponics pods..." ? before showing an actual film shot of the model in the style of the one that was used at the end of the remastered episodes.
(We also heard mention of a colleague named 'Bendy Wendy', but no details were forthcoming beyond Pete's "She's very good at what she does.")
So, the big question ? is it actually compulsory for FX men to wear matching Hawaiian shirts? (Aside from puppet mascot Squiffy the Squirrel, they chaps were indeed similarly dressed.) It seems Mr Tyler's rash purchase from a jumble sale one day caused, despite the best intentions of everyone involved, the fashion to spread.
A key glimpse into each man's character was provided by the question 'What's you favourite explosion?' Alan went with a philosphical "the next one", Pete with a historical schooner blowing up on open water, Nick with Starbug's hangar take-off from Demons & Angels and Mike with his Auton factory destruction, which kicked off the last series of Dr Who.
They've also been busy destroying Birmingham. (Action which won the team a burst of applause.) In recreating the effects of the recent tornado on the town, the miniatures included a few things that only the eagle-eyed would spot. For example, a mini-newspaper had the headline 'Giant Badger Lives In Neesdon', and the lad's portraits were all in frames in the sub-sized home.
One final question: on the big projects ? such as their forthcoming Dr Who gig ? how is the decision made to do some elements as model and some as CGI? The answer is exactly what you'd expect: "They lock us in a room with baseball bats and let us sort it out."
And there was Saturday - a day filled to the brim with guests, autographs, questions and more than a little innuendo. (Discussing on-set injuries: Mike: "We've had Pete twice." Pete: "You've had me more than twice.") Time to move on the costumes and entertainment of Saturday night.
